Questions Answered

Much to my surprise, I am already past the halfway mark for this year-long adventure. I don't even know where to begin with my feelings about that very fact. The first emotion that comes to mind is sadness. I don't know how we've already reached 6 months, but I know how fast it came, which means the next half will go even faster. How do you stop time?? Sadly, you can't.

This past week the Mount hosted a group of students from Ohio Wesleyan University who were here on their spring break mission trip to work with the sisters in their ministries. I enjoyed meeting all of them and it was great having them here with us. Each time there has been a group of students or guests that don't exactly know why Carrie and I are here, I always feel like I'm in a zoo being observed. Maybe I'm just paranoid. It's always interesting to hear the questions people have for us. The two most popular: "What made you decide to enter this program?" and "Is this some kind of nun training thing??" (this question comes in many different forms, but yes, this is accurate wording from one curious person).

The first question is somewhat hard to explain. I can't always put my feelings into words, and most of the time, words don't do the explanation justice. It's hard to describe the feeling that I needed something more than going to school or working any old job this year just to make money. I needed a break after 17 years straight of schooling, but my break needed to involve growth, education, and enough time for me to figure  "me" out. I never would have thought of this program on my own without a little push from one of my campus ministers at Canisius, and I'd pay money to see my fearless leader's face when she first read my email asking if she thought this was a good idea or not (honestly, let me know some time :D ).

A lot of things contributed to my decision to enter this program. Between my many week-long visits as a student, and a few here and there outside of that, I knew this community well enough that I wasn't entering blindly into the idea. I wanted to know what God has in store for me, not only what I want out of life. Because I can certainly try to steer my life into the direction I think it needs to go, but judging from experience, that rarely works out. Since I've been here, I've been able to really listen to myself, God, and others, and I've learned so much from all of that, way more than if I would have paid to hear a professor spit it back at me. And I have met people here whose lives have certainly become a model for mine. This place has given me more than I ever thought it would, and then some.

The second question is a little easier to answer...sometimes. The answer: no. This program is not specifically meant for those that are discerning a call to religious life or to entering this particular community. Can it be used for that? Certainly. Am I? No. Why? Because I simply do not feel that call. I can't very well make a feeling appear that just isn't there. I have other callings and responsibilities to God. Most importantly, my job this year affirms in me the desire I have to be a mother every day. Nothing would mean more to me than bringing another life into the world and sharing the glory of God with them.

In short, I regret nothing about my decision to enter into this program. I am learning and growing each and every day. I have had many experiences, both positive and not so much, but both have helped me in so many ways. This will not be an experience that will leave me any time soon.