Expectations

Sorry for the late post! I've been having some technical difficulties with the internet.


Lent is upon us. As part of the Lenten season here, we have a daily reflection book. It's called "Not by Bread Alone" by Robert F. Morneau. I usually do my reflecting at night before bed, and today's meditation seemed like a very deep one: What are your expectations of God and of yourself?

Seems like a pretty loaded question, huh? Let's start with the first part. I guess I don't really expect a whole lot from God, at least not so much in quantity as in quality. What expectations do I have of God? Well, I would expect God to love me, no matter what, just how I am, flaws, imperfections and all. And through it all, I would hope God would be there for me, giving me what I need, not necessarily what I want, which is something I've always struggled with accepting. From God, I expect love and support.

If God always provides love and support for me, the very least I could do is return the favor, both to God, and pay it forward to others I encounter in life. I hope I am fulfilling this expectation with the work I am doing this year. I love the children in my class, despite all that comes with teaching a class full of toddlers. I love them because they are so innocent, and because they live in the moment. There is no worrying about the future, or holding on to what might have happened in the past. At times, I long to be just like them. Each child is unique and gifted in their own way. No two are the same.

I expect more of myself than I do of God. My "job" is to see Christ in everyone while also remembering to be Christ for them. I am constantly working towards being a positive representation of God's love through my actions, thoughts, experiences, etc., and forever trying to be the best me I can be.

"Embrace your uniqueness" -Unknown

Connections

This week I had the wonderful opportunity to spend some time with some sisters in the infirmary during their "This and That Club" meeting on Wednesday. This is a weekly meeting where sisters from the infirmary and assisted living wings can come together to talk, share stories, participate in activities, etc. I was asked to speak during this week's meeting.

Speak about what you may ask? Well, myself. I was happy to do it, but I must admit that I really don't like talking about myself. However, it wasn't so bad. At least I was in a comfortable setting and with people I knew well enough, so it wasn't so daunting. It was fun and really enjoyable.

Although I have lived here for 6 months and see many of these sisters often, I really don't have many chances to sit down and talk with them. I am gone all day during the week, and sometimes time just gets away from me. They know why I am here and what the program is all about, but most of them really didn't know that much about me personally. That was the focus of my talk. They seemed to really enjoy it. I got lots of hugs when I was done, so that's a good sign, right?? There is something really special that happens, I think, when a connection can be made across generations and between cultures. I've learned so much from everyone here, I can only pray I will have taught this community something in my time here as well.

This was done on my reflection day. To be honest, this was one of the most reflective moments I've had so far this year. It allowed me to think back on what led me to where I am. Every experience shapes your path in life; where you will go and who you will become. They will lead you to those whose hearts you will touch, and to those you allow to touch yours. A lot has happened in 23 years. Actually, a lot has happened in the last 4-5 years that has really led me here, to where I am right now in my life. I am not much of a fan of the saying "everything happens for a reason", but I do believe that the experiences we have give us a chance reevaluate our life should we choose to do so.

Anniversaries

Nothing reminds you of how fast time goes by more than marking the anniversary of a significant event. Today marks one year since my Benedicta Riepp journey began. It's hard to believe that it has already been that long, and at that time I could not even begin to imagine where I'd be one year later.

I can remember that entire day like it was yesterday. Some upsetting events occurred in those 24 hours, but our visit and meeting here at the Mount brought a lot of light and hope into my life that day. As it was right at the beginning of the second semester of my senior year of college, my head was nothing but a completely jumbled, confused, and overwhelmed mess. I am not above admitting that I was absolutely terrified to graduate. I spent a few years convincing myself of where I thought my life needed to go after graduation, but I quickly started to realize that it just wasn't what I wanted or needed right away. My heart was pointing me in a different direction. After trying to do nothing except push the idea out of my head for two weeks, I contacted our now fearless leader, Sister Stephanie, and began the journey. Seven months later, I arrived at the front door of the monastery with as much of my life as I could fit into my car, and the year-long adventure began. Now already half-way through the year, I find myself wishing I could somehow slow things down.

All I can say is thank God for the Benedictines. Without getting too sappy, since I do have 6 months to go, I pray someday you all will know how wonderful an experience this has been for me thus far, and I know the second half of the year will be just as beautiful. Every member of this community has been a blessing to me. This experience will forever continue to shape my future. I love you all.

For more information about the Benedicta Riepp program, and to view a video about our experiences, go to the webpage. The clip is at the top of the page.


Today also marks one year since I lost my hero, my Great-Grandfather. I love and miss you so much, Grandpa Boyd. I hope I still make you proud.

Back At It

After about 2 weeks of upper respiratory, fever, sinus infection, ear infection sickness (sooooo fun), I am almost back to normal. No more posts complaining about it, at least for now...

However, being run down and sort of hidden from everyone for most of the past couple of weeks has really brought a few things to the front page of my little mental notebook. For one, I am a people person. Actually, I'm kind of shy and reserved (those who know me, don't laugh), at least in certain situations and with those I am just getting to know.  I put that as an interesting fact on my bio the last time I came to the Mount for a service trip last March and several sisters commented and called me out on it, probably because they don't remember how I was the first time I visited three years ago. Anyhoo, when you are away from a house full of people for days on end, you get pretty lonely. Especially when you are only one or two floors away. I mean, I felt pretty sick and lousy most of the time, but I still missed being around everyone. I know a couple of people came down to visit here and there, but I think I was sleeping (sorry!). I even missed church two weeks in a row. So sisters, I really missed you all!

Second, sitting in bed all day is just plain boring. I couldn't read, listen to music, or do anything except sleep if it was even possible. And being cooped up in a room for days isn't much fun. It really made me think about simple things like just walking outside, or driving a car even. And what do you know, I even missed going to work! (I don't think I've ever said that before...)

And third, I am really grateful for all of the wonderful people I have in my life this year. Most especially those I live with. Everyone really does care about and take care of each and every person here. It was uplifting to have Carrie come back after a meal or prayer upstairs and hear "Sister said hello", "Sister wants to know if you need anything" and things like that. And yes, my mom knew I was sick, and appreciates all of her stand-ins in her absence. I'm also grateful for close friends that are comfortable seeing you at your worst, and stick with you through it all, and for fearless leaders who come to visit and sit with you in your room, even if it was at a distance :P

So I'm back on the road to being healthy. Now if only the weather would settle down and pick a season and stick with it. I'd appreciate it, and I know quite a few others whose immune systems would thank Mother Nature too.

Can't Quite Kick It

Well, it's day 12 of my sickness marathon. This time I'm working on getting over a pretty bad sinus infection. I'm usually not one to complain too much about getting sick here and there, because for me it's usually only a cold that lasts for a day or two, three at the most, and you're up and on your way again before you know it. But this sickness...thing began January 26th and is still hanging on. So now, more than anything, I'm just frustrated.

It's a pain when you don't feel well enough to do anything or go anywhere (except for a couple visits during the week to urgent care -_-) and even sitting in bed doesn't do the trick. For the past few days I've been in so much pain I couldn't even sleep at night or take a nap during the day. And reading or watching a movie to pass the time was out of the question because it basically hurt just to exist. Yesterday was a little better, but every few hours my head and face pick a new spot to hurt :( In short, this isn't fun, but I guess I don't really have to say that for my point to get across, huh? Hopefully one more day at home will do the trick...

One of the really comforting things that happens when you're down in a house full of so many people is that everyone gradually begins to realize that you're not there, and then every so often a knock is heard at your door or the phone rings. It's endearing, really, and it's nice because at least I'm not alone. And this time it has been Carrie's turn to play nurse. So although I've been feeling pretty miserable the past 2 weeks, I appreciate all of the concern :)

In other news, Carrie and I (and by that I mean mostly Carrie) have been helping dog-sit for one of the Sisters who is out of town until next Monday. The "puppy's" name is Gaia. I've been dog deprived for too long.

The Week Sickness Stole the Show

This week has been quite the eventful one in the health department. I thought this little sickness might have just been a weekend thing, but oh no, it's held on. I did go to work on Monday, which was a mistake because as soon as I got home I went straight to bed. I've never felt so beat in my life. I received strict orders from my boss that I was to stay home the next day, which I didn't want to do but could admit was necessary. Let's just say I have a stubborn streak...

I never really get that sick. Most times I just get a little cold, so I'm a little congested for a few days, sneeze maybe, things like that. I never get chest colds or a cough, so this kind of caught me off guard and really took me out. After putting up with the cough for 5 days, I finally went to get it checked out on Tuesday and found out it was an upper respiratory infection (fun wow!) and I was able to get something to suppress the cough. I'm just now getting back to prayer in the chapel, but I still get out of breath, so for now I'm chanting internally. I went back to see my kids yesterday after 2 days in a row off from work, and still came home absolutely exhausted. Last night was my first night back with my dish team that has been on since Monday. And can I tell you the number of resurrection lines you get after they don't see you for days on end in this house?!?! I really feel like I haven't seen anyone in a week, because I pretty much haven't. And now it went from my chest to my sinuses, so I'm feeling just grand right now (does sarcasm come through very well in writing??)

Bottom line, if it took me 6 months to catch something, I hope it takes another 6 for something else to happen, because this was hands down one of the most frustrating and tiring weeks. As one Sister put it, it's all because of those wonderful toddlers I think the world of! What says "I love you" more than a two-year-old coughing and sneezing in my face, right?