What Toddlers Have Taught Me About Myself

I've mentioned here and there in some of my posts my issues with my self-esteem. It hasn't been the best the past 5 years or so because of an incident during my first year of college that was ultimately prolonged throughout those four years. Needless to say, it has had a pretty large impact on how I see myself. It wasn't until I was fully removed from the situation and forced to examine myself this year that I really began to deal with it. My biggest helper? My angels at the day care.

I don't think anyone realizes their full potential or worth until they are entrusted with the care of another living being. At least I hadn't. St. Ben's is more than a day care service, it's a child development center. We don't just provide a place for the children to be all day, we are constantly tracking their changes, development, habits, etc. We are providing early childhood education so they are ready to enter Kindergarten. We are helping them develop the skills and tools they will need in life. To me, that's a daunting job description. I'm more than a human jungle gym and Kleenex, I'm responsible for their lives while they are in my care, and I've had to live up to that responsibility. To do that, you really have to be confident in yourself. You can't teach someone that they're worth it and can do anything they set their mind to if you don't believe it yourself. That's what I started out doing, and I can tell you I probably wasn't too convincing to begin with.

As the months went by, though, all of that began to sink in. When my kids are genuinely excited to see me each morning, that makes my day. When a toddler comes to you in April and can't speak one word in English or Spanish, and by the end of June can add 4 words to their vocabulary, that feels AMAZING. And to know that I had a lot to do with that really makes me look at my self-worth in a positive light. I mean something to these children, to their families. And they mean the world to me.

When we chose our ministry placements for the first half of the year, it was with the understanding that in 6 months we could change them if we wanted to. Not only did I want to stay at the day care when the time came, I needed to. This place, the people, the kids, they were all helping me realize something I was blind to for so long. That coupled with my reflections, prayer, and meetings was really what I needed to jump start this new outlook. It's something I consciously work on each and every day, but it's getting easier. I can love and be lovable at the same time.